Memories
by Crazygirla101
Summary: Mordred was laying his head on Merlin's lap, sighing contentedly as he watched Merlin's lips move as he read and using his other hand to softly caress Mordred's head. Nobody would've thought they'd end up together back when they'd first met. Mordred closed his eyes at the memories. Back then Mordred would've never believed that he'd find his home in Merlin. MerlinxMordred *Oneshot*


Mordred was laying his head on Merlin's lap, sighing contentedly as he watched Merlin's lips move as he read and using his other hand to softly caress Mordred's head.

Nobody would've thought they'd end up together back when they'd first met. Mordred closed his eyes at the memories. Back then Mordred would've never believed that he'd find his home in Merlin.

* * *

 **Flash Back**

Gwen and him had been the best of friends since they were young, two nerdy teenagers. Always the outsiders looking in at the popular kids. At Arthur, Merlin, and Morgana. Everyone had wanted to be their friends. Arthur the handsome and rich rugby star, Morgana the prettiest girl in school and also his sister, and Merlin, their best friend. To be honest, Merlin didn't fit in with either of them back then, not from the outside anyway, but then you got to know Merlin. "He's the nicest person," people would say, "Keeps Arthur in line and Morgana smiling." "He's so funny." At the time, Mordred hadn't really cared, he just wanted the bullies to stay off his back.

Gwen was a different story. In fact, he'd even go as far to say as Gwen was a little _too_ interested. Mostly in Arthur though. How many times had he heard her say, "Oh he looked this way! Do you think he noticed me, Mordred?" and he'd look at her and bite his tongue, "Don't think so, Gwen." Of course, he hadn't. Arthur had enough girls surrounding him to keep him entertained, why on earth would he ever look at Gwen when there were girls throwing themselves at his feet? Arthur was known not to date too much though. Rumors of him being faithful and loyal to the girls he dated made him popular, but Mordred had known the truth since he first saw him. He was gay. As gay as Mordred was. He couldn't tell Gwen that though. Not his secret to tell. Even if he did think Arthur was an obnoxious prat.

For the entire time they'd gone to school together, even had classes together not once had any of them uttered a word to either Gwen or Mordred. Mordred only noticed it when Gwen would mention it. He hadn't ever thought of it otherwise.

But then there was uni and, apparently, when they went to uni the boundary lines that had always kept them apart started to blur. At least for Gwen they certainly did, as back then she'd gone after Arthur in full force. Mordred hated all the frat parties she'd drag him to so she can talk to Arthur. He'd only spare seconds for her, but those seconds was all Gwen needed to add fuel to the fire. Mordred had wished over and over that Arthur would just tell everyone the truth, but he didn't.

Which, didn't bother him as much until Gwen had come rushing to him one day at lunch, "We have a date! Tomorrow!" The confusion on Mordred's face was clear, "What?"

"Arthur and I! We have a date!"

Mordred's face fell, "Gwen you can't."

"Excuse me?" Gwen had looked hurt by his comment, "What? You don't think that I'm good enough for him?"

"No!" he sighed, grabbing her and dragging her away from the crowd, "Gwen, he's gay. You can't go with him."

Gwen hadn't taken that revelation well, though, she shoved him away, "Why would you say that? How could you?" and rushed off.

"Perfect," he mumbled. He knew how Gwen had felt about Arthur. Closing his eyes, what were the chances that she'd believe him over the lie? Slim to none. Gwen had felt too strongly about Arthur for too long to see the truth. He'd let them have the date, but if Arthur continued this charade he'd confront him. He couldn't let him lie to Gwen. Why hadn't she just let him go?

That's what he'd thought at the time. That he'd be able to step in before it'd gone too far, but Gwen had started to ignore him then. All his calls or anytime he'd try to approach her in person. It was months before she'd finally forgiven him and started talking to him again and by then it had already gone too far. She kept them all separated too. Wouldn't tell him when she was spending time with Arthur or any of his friends. Didn't want them to meet. It made him think that deep down, Gwen already knew the truth, she just didn't want to face it.

Finally, six months had gone by and he hadn't said another word about Arthur's definite homosexuality. She decided that they would all meet. Arthur was holding a small party and she was bringing him along.

So he went, hoping he'd be able to corner Arthur privately and ask him to break up with Gwen. To leave her out of his lie and let her move on, but the party had not gone anything like he expected.

It was crowded and stuffy with too many drunk, idiot students. He'd lost Gwen in a heartbeat and with his anxiety skyrocketing, ended up running into an empty bedroom and locking himself there.

Or, at least, he'd thought it was empty. "Whatever you want, we're not interested," a voice broke the silence in the room.

He turned around quickly, finding Morgana and Merlin, sitting on the floor with a candle and a few bottles of wine. "I don't want anything," he answered, "Least not from you. I just can't take all those people anymore."

Merlin quirked a brow, "You can't take the people but you came to a party?"

"I was brought by a friend," Mordred huffed, "I lost her somewhere."

"Some friend," Morgana responded.

"She's a great friend," Mordred said defensively, "Just hasn't been herself lately."

"Do I know her?" Merlin asked, patting the floor beside him, "Join us."

Mordred gave them a wary look before sitting down, "Probably. Her name is Gwen."

Merlin's eyes widened, "Wait, are you Mordred?"

Mordred stiffened, "I am."

"You're the one who thinks Arthur is gay?" Morgana asked.

Mordred sat there stunned for a moment. He couldn't believe Gwen had told them. Why would she do that? "I don't _think_ anything," he scoffed, "I _know_ he is. I can tell."

"If Arthur was gay he would've told me," Merlin rebutted, "He wouldn't hide something like that from me."

"Not unless he had a reason to," Mordred quipped, "I'm sure he doesn't tell you _everything."_

"I'm sure I would've noticed if _my_ best mate was gay," Merlin sniffed, "I don't care what you say."

"I don't care if you don't care," Mordred answered rolling his eyes, "If you want to ignore the obvious then that's up to you."

"Arthur's had plenty of girlfriends, why would you think he's gay?" Morgana asked.

"Because I can tell, just like I can tell you and Merlin are in some type of romantic relationship you don't want anyone to know about," Mordred sighed, "I can read people, it's not hard for me at all."

Morgana started, "Just because we're here together-"

"You've been together since junior year," Mordred interrupted, "I noticed it back then."

Morgana turned to Merlin, and Merlin shook his head, "How would you know that?"

"I told you," Mordred replied annoyed, "I can read people."

"You can't tell anyone!" Morgana pleaded, "My father would kill us!"

"Morgana! Why would you," Merlin stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Never mind, too late now. She's right, you can't tell anyone."

"I really don't care enough to bother," Mordred shrugged, "I just want Arthur to stop playing with Gwen's feelings. She's a good person, I don't care if he won't admit to the gay thing, I just want him to stop making things worse."

"Are you in love with her or something?" Merlin accused, crossing his arms.

"That would be impossible, seeing as _I'm_ gay too," Mordred snorted.

"Do you like Arthur then?" Morgana questioned.

"Don't be stupid, I have much better taste than a spoiled, ignorant prat," Mordred huffed.

"Don't call him that!" Merlin yelled, "You don't know a thing about him!"

"I know that he's toying with _my_ best friend!" Mordred retorted, "That's all I _need_ to know!"

Mordred got up and headed for the door, "The two of you are just as bad as him!"

Mordred stormed out of the room, deciding quickly to make a round of the house for Gwen before leaving, but he hadn't been able to find her and he had enough of the drunken gits around him. So he left, miserable and alone. The outsider. Always the outsider who couldn't fit in, couldn't just keep carrying on when he noticed everything. Mordred never learned how to be like everyone else. He just was and until that night, he had fully believed that Gwen would have his back, but she was nowhere to be seen and he was starting to lose his patience. If she didn't want to be his friend, then he wasn't going to bother anymore. He was used to being alone anyhow.

* * *

So when Gwen hadn't shown up to his violin recital the next week, he wasn't surprised. He didn't need her. He didn't need anyone. He had his music and his classes to keep him busy.

Mordred hadn't even noticed the weeks that had passed since that night. Hadn't even realized that Gwen's set ringtone hadn't gone off in months on his mobile or that he'd eaten his lunch alone at the library almost every day since. He hadn't cared. Mordred couldn't care anymore. It hurt too much and it wasn't worth it.

He hadn't thought he'd see her or any of them again. Uni was a big place, you didn't run into the same people every day like in high school, but then a Saturday came rolling around. One of many, but a bit different than the last several. He'd decided to sleep in some. He hardly did that, preferring to instead focus on his school work or practice the violin, but this Saturday he just wanted a few extra hours of reprieve before having to face the world again. His world. The one that only consisted of the same four walls that he'd seen the day before.

He hadn't expected for anyone to interrupt his quiet Saturday. Definitely hadn't expected anyone to start banging on his door while he was trying to get some sleep. At first, he'd ignored it, hoping whoever it was would go away, but they just kept banging. To say it was irritating would've been an understatement. So Mordred stood up and still in his pants and tank (his regular sleepwear), yanked the door open and yelled, "Stop already!"

To his astonishment, on the other end was Gwen. Gwen and her new little group of friends. The ones she had decided to leave him for.

"Finally!" she answered and pushed into the room, "You're still sleeping? That's not like you."

He studied her carefully before answering, "What are you doing here?"

"I've been calling you and calling you for the past two months and you haven't so much as texted me," she sighed, "I know you get lost in your head sometimes, but you can't just ignore your best friend and expect her not to come check on you. Have you been writing new music or something?"

Mordred regarded the three standing outside his door for a moment before turning towards Gwen, "I haven't heard my mobile go off."

"No? Where is it then?" she laughed, when he shrugged, "Thought so." Gwen went towards Mordred's desk, shifting papers and books around until finally she found it, "Aha!" she smiled, "Dead as expected. Honestly, Mordred, you really need to keep better track of this thing."

Mordred shrugged again, confusion beginning to bubble up inside him, "Didn't see the point."

"No, you never did," Gwen nodded, "Are you going to stand around dressed like that all day? Get dressed and ready, we're heading out. You need to see the sunlight some time."

She patted him on the shoulder, "We'll wait for you outside and don't bother trying to go back to bed, I'll be back to bang on your door in 15 if you're not out," she left then, with the rest of the group. Mordred closed the door and stood quietly staring at the grains of wood on it. He didn't understand what had happened or why. He'd read Gwen perfectly that night. He'd noticed how she was pushing him away, why on earth would she come back to him now?

Mordred sighed, there was only one way to get his questions answered and as much as he didn't want to go, his curiosity won out. He got ready and headed for the entrance of the dorms, fully aware that he was going to regret making this decision by the end of the day.

As he walked out the building he spotted the four, laughing and chatting away. An odd fear that this whole thing had been a bad joke on him sneaked past his mind. That's the kind of paranoia you develop when you've been bullied most of your childhood years, but even if Gwen didn't like him anymore, she wouldn't do that to him, would she?

Mordred contemplated taking off on a sprint, but he knew he wouldn't get very far, he's never been athletic and this past year he'd definitely gained some weight. Not much, but he should really start working out, it didn't do him any good to let his body waste away when he needed it, but that was a thought for another time. For now, he needed to focus on Gwen and whatever the hell she was trying to do.

Gwen smiled at him as he approached them, "Stop brooding," she told him, "You won't find a boyfriend like that."

"Don't want one," he answered readily, "Not after the last one."

Gwen rolled her eyes, "That was years ago."

"That's not the one I was talking about," Mordred sighed.

Gwen stopped, her eyes widening in surprise, "When?"

"Broke up about two months ago," he shrugged, "Pointless."

"You never said anything," she answered.

"You never asked," he shot back.

Gwen opened her mouth and closed it, looking at the floor, "I'm sorry."

"Don't bother," Mordred said, looking around, "I don't care anymore."

Gwen looked back up, her face stricken, "What?" She had known what Mordred meant when he said that. Anytime he said that, it was always about the worst things. The things that hurt him the most. It meant Mordred was giving up on something or someone. It meant he was giving up on her.

"You heard me, Gwen," he turned back to look at her, "I don't care. I don't even know why you're here. I know how you felt. How you feel. I can read you like an open book and I don't see the point in this. It's stupid. I think we both have things we'd rather be doing."

Gwen closed her eyes for a moment, "Always," she whispered, opening them back up, "You always, _always_ do the same thing. Soon as things get hard or uncomfortable you pull back. I should've figured the way you left that night. Didn't even stop to say bye."

Mordred straightened, "I looked. I couldn't find you. You took off as soon as we got there and you _know_ how I get at parties, but you disappeared anyway."

"I was trying to find Arthur to introduce you!" she started, "I looked all over and finally found you already taking off not even 20 minutes after we got there!"

Mordred laughed dryly, "Honestly, Gwen, if you think a party is the _best_ time to introduce me to anyone you don't know me at all," he sighed, "I don't even know why we're talking about this." Mordred turned around and looked up, "You're right, though, it's a nice day," Mordred started to walk off. Ignoring anything he heard behind him. The words meant nothing now. Just more white noise he'd have to ignore. It didn't change anything.

"I'm pregnant!" Gwen shouted.

The words shocking Mordred still for a moment before he turned around and studied her slowly. Taking in every detail, every breath, and movement that his eyes would allow him to capture. "No, you are not," he said slowly.

"No I'm not," she agreed, rushing toward him, "But at least now you're listening to me again."

Mordred frowned as Gwen took his hand, "I know I screwed up. I screwed up even more than I realized I screwed up and I'm sorry. I'll do my best to show you that you can trust me again, but Mordred, you are my best friend. I've known you since I could walk. You can't just give up on us now."

Mordred looked at her again, noticing the shift in her demeanor, Gwen _was_ sorry. She meant what she said, he could tell, but she was also hiding something. He could see that too and he didn't know what to make of any of it. Walking away was easier, but he had known her almost his entire life. She had been the closest thing to family he had ever had. He sighed loudly, already knowing that his logic was not going to win this one out. If Gwen was willing to fight for their friendship, then so was he. He couldn't help himself. "I'm in no mood," he stated.

Gwen smiled and hugged him, "Just come have a bite and I'll release you to your dungeon, I promise."

Mordred relaxed into her hug, "I won't be very good company."

"That's ok," she said, "So long as you come."

Mordred relented. He didn't want to go, but he couldn't say no either. Arthur, Morgana, and Merlin all politely said hello and he actively ignored them. Which probably made it easier for them to ignore him. Which was fine. He didn't want to know these people. They would never understand him regardless.

Mordred stayed quiet as he walked alongside them, only responding to questions that Gwen asked him directly. Never even trying to join into conversation. When they'd gotten to the Dominic's pizza, the nearest pizza place, he ordered a mineral water and nothing else. He wasn't hungry and he didn't like the pizza from Dominic's it was always too greasy. He stayed silent for the meal and then hugged Gwen bye when it finally ended.

He hadn't thought that Merlin and Morgana would follow him out, and continue to follow him all the way to his dorm. When he started the steps and they were still behind he turned around, "Is there something I can help you with?"

"Last time, you said you could read us," Merlin asked, "Can't you tell?"

Mordred sighed, "I can tell you two have recently ended your romantic entanglement and I can tell you have something to say, but I can't tell why or what, because regardless of whatever it is you believe, I'm _not_ a mind reader."

Morgana again showed clear surprise, before she shook herself out of it, "We were trying to be nice. To try and get along with you and you were quiet this entire time," she sighed, "Didn't say a word to any of us. Care to tell us why?"

"I'm not interested," Mordred answered, "Whatever it is you have, I'm not interested," he turned around before hearing Merlin's response, "You know what? You're the ignorant one! Ignorant and rude! I can't understand why Gwen likes you at all."

Mordred shrugged, "You're too blind to see what's right in front of you, _of course,_ you wouldn't understand," he opened the door to the dorm, "Now, please, just leave me alone."

 **End Flashback**

* * *

 **Present Scene**

Mordred opened his eyes then and looked at Merlin, "Even after all this time, why are you still with me?"

Merlin took his eyes off his book and quirked a brow, giving him a small smile, "As if you can't already tell why."

Mordred snuggled into his lap and sighed turning his face to Merlin's stomach, "But what if I'm wrong? About what I see? I worry I get it wrong sometimes."

Merlin shook his head, "Don't be silly, Mordred, you're not wrong and I'll tell you so anytime you want to hear it."

Mordred sighed again, curling his arm around Merlin's back, "And you're absolutely sure?"

"I'm absolutely sure," he smiled, caressing his hair again.

"Ok," came the muffled reply as Mordred closed his eyes again. Letting the memories make their waves again. He clung to Merlin's shirt and breathed his scent in again.

 **End Present Scene**

* * *

 **Flash Back**

Time began to start moving at a slower pace, at least to Mordred. It seemed Gwen had decided that making it up for him was to call him or spend time with him almost every day. He didn't mind her company, he had been used to her by then after all, but whenever she dragged him off to see the others he wouldn't say a word to them. Not a word.

He didn't see the point, eventually, Gwen _had_ to see the truth and although he didn't discuss it around them, he'd now taken to pointing out all the obvious things Arthur did that proved he was not interested sexually in the female population. Never mind the fact that it had been 8 months and he hadn't done anything but kiss Gwen and hold her hand, all she'd do is make excuses for him.

He grew frustrated and tired of the same conversations and by the time school had ended for the year, he'd simply dropped the subject. Gwen was returning home for the summer and he, having nowhere else to go, was staying and taking summer classes, he didn't want her memories of him to be only of that.

Mordred didn't mind seeing her go, he hugged her bye and settled into a quiet routine soon after. Uni was quiet in summer break and he could leisurely take his time taking walks around campus and relaxing in the afternoons. He'd even taken to eating out more frequently, now that there weren't so many students over-crowding the restaurants, it really wasn't so bad.

Tuesday, after class, he'd decided to have lunch at a local café. Reading a book with a nice meal, seemed like a nice idea for a dreary day. He'd been so focused on his book; he hadn't heard the chair in front of him being pulled away, or seen the young man sitting in front of him, picking on his fries.

"I said are you going to eat that?" a voice broke through his concentration, but he hadn't bothered to respond, believing it was probably someone talking to someone else nearby.

"Mordred!" his head shot up and confusion marred his face, "I said, are you going to eat that?"

Mordred look down to his half eaten sandwich and looked back up to him, "What's it to you?"

Merlin snorted, "Are you always this prickly?"

"Only when I want to be," he shrugged.

Merlin sighed, "Can't we just try to get along?"

"Don't see why I should bother."

"Maybe because Gwen is seeing Arthur."

"That's really not the best argument."

"Fine, maybe because I've been watching you these past couple of weeks and I've seen you with Gwen when we're not around," Merlin began, "You actually smile and laugh and seem friendly, but soon as we're near you shut down entirely. Don't know what's wrong with us that you can't even try to be friendly."

"You can ask Arthur why," he scoffed, "All he has to do is break up with her and I believe I may be much kindlier towards you."

Merlin turned his head to the side, "Well maybe I can help with that. Wouldn't be the first time I'd gotten Arthur broken up."

Mordred's eyes widened in surprise, "What?"

"It only happened once and it wasn't intentional," Merlin explained quickly.

"Why would you agree to help me?" Mordred asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

"Because I think it's odd that no matter how many girlfriends he's had, he's never done anything but kiss them," Merlin answered honestly, "And if I had a dad like his, I'd hide it too. They gay thing I mean. Uther is absolutely terrifying."

"And what do you get out of this?" Mordred questioned, crossing his arms and leaning back on his chair.

"I get to make sure my friend isn't doing anything stupid," he sighed and shrugged, "What's it matter to you? You get what you want."

Mordred considered him for several moments before slowly nodding, "Alright. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, first," Merlin started, "I don't think it'd be a good idea if they knew we were in on it, so it's best if we continue as we were before. Second, I want to confirm Arthur is gay before we start. Third, is the reveal. If we can get Arthur caught in action, because there is _no way_ he's a virgin, then we can use that to show Gwen. She wouldn't be able to ignore it then, right?"

Mordred nodded, "Ok."

"But all of this better stay between us. The picture especially, if Arthur wants to keep it a secret then it'll stay a secret, deal?" he said extending his hand over the table.

Mordred shook his hand, "Deal," he agreed.

Merlin smiled, "So can I have your fries while I tell you my plans for us to catch Arthur in the act?"

Mordred looked at his plate again, "Seems fair."

Merlin grinned as he pulled the plate towards him, "I knew walking all the way down here would be worth it today."

Mordred gave him a questioning look, but as Merlin began explaining his plans, he decided not push the subject. Instead falling into silence as he took all of Merlin's words in.

* * *

To Mordred's surprise, he ended up spending much of the summer with Merlin. As it turned out, Merlin's uncle lived near the uni, so he was taking summer classes as well, since he was staying with him.

Although, at first it seemed Mordred would continue his silent-treatment of Merlin, slowly, he seemed to change, much to Merlin's delight. Conversation wasn't easy, not even a bit, but Merlin wasn't derailed, he kept trying and trying until, finally Mordred learned how to smile freely in front of him, acknowledge him, and even seemed happy when he came around.

By the end of summer, Mordred had to admit, although they were far from friends, he didn't dislike Merlin. He was honest and loyal, and those were traits in him he could appreciate, even if he was ignorant. He was willing to help Gwen, simply because he didn't want her hurt.

When school rolled back around and Gwen began spending plenty of her days with him again. Mordred had asked her to stop coming every day. Gwen hadn't questioned him, but the truth was, Mordred had found someone who's company he was enjoying and it would be a bit before he and Merlin would put their plan into action anyway, he had enough spare time for one. So he acquired himself a boyfriend, but after about a month Gwen called him and told him he had to come to dinner at Arthur's new apartment. Saying "He couldn't ignore them all forever" which wasn't true, but he gave in and agreed to come, but only if he could bring someone. Gwen readily agreed and told him he could bring any of his friends with him if it made him more comfortable.

Mordred hadn't told Gwen about Gwaine yet, but he hadn't thought it was a problem. He'd introduced them, they'd get along well and hopefully he'd manage to survive the night in much better shape than last year.

Mordred and Gwaine both walked together in easy conversation. Gwaine was studying to become some type of fitness instructor and he'd met Mordred at the gym the summer before returning to school. He had helped him develop a workout routine and they met every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to do it together. Within a few months, Mordred had lost the extra weight and had started to become a little more muscular. It was a slow process, but Mordred didn't mind it, he felt like he was more equipped to defend himself now and nowhere near as powerless as when he was a child. That alone was worth the exhaustion and aggravation of exercise. Seeing Gwaine was just an added bonus and when he'd finally gotten the nerve to ask him out, Gwaine's grin and easy answer, "Thought you'd never ask!" was all the motivation he needed to keep up with his new routine.

Gwaine had taken pause before they'd gone into Arthur's apartment building.

"What is it?" Mordred asked.

"Nothing, I think I've been here before," he answered.

"You did say you knew someone named Arthur before," Mordred shrugged, "Maybe it's the same one?"

"Right now, I'm positive it is," Gwaine sighed, "Well, I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Did you two have some type of problem?"

"No, I just haven't spoken to him in a long time," he frowned.

"You don't have to talk him if you don't want," Mordred smiled, "I ignore him all the time."

Gwaine laughed and took Mordred's hand, "I think I might follow that advice."

Mordred grinned and followed Gwaine inside. Gwaine seemingly in a better mood, suddenly pulled Mordred into a kiss in front of Arthur's door right before Mordred could knock. Someone must've heard them, however, because soon after the door flew open and Arthur stood at the other side.

Gwaine and Mordred pulled quickly apart to face him and as soon as he did, Mordred caught the look of his eyes.

Arthur didn't say anything as he fixed his face under his mask and stepped aside signaling them in, but Mordred hadn't needed him to. The tale on his face and body told him everything he had needed to know. Mordred stiffly walked inside and robotically introducing Gwaine to Gwen.

He then turned to Arthur and asked, "Is there anywhere I can go to make a private call?"

The question took Arthur by surprise, it had been the first time Mordred had ever even acknowledged his presence, much less spoken to him. Arthur nodded and lead Mordred to his bedroom and left him there.

Mordred sighed and sat down on the bed. He couldn't believe what had just happened. He took slow deep breaths, attempting to settle himself. It didn't matter what had happened between Gwaine and Arthur… Or it wouldn't have if Gwaine hadn't suddenly become the solution to his problem, but how could he ask him to tell Gwen about it? How did one even ask something like that?

Mordred shook himself and stood back up, ready to make his way back to the group, when his mobile went off.

"You have a boyfriend?" were the first words he heard as soon as he answered it.

"Apparently not just any boyfriend," he answered.

"You didn't mention him," Merlin sighed.

"You didn't ask."

"Friends don't have to ask; they just tell each other things."

"Why would I tell anyone anything if they didn't ask?"

"Because you're their friend."

"That doesn't make any sense to me."

Merlin sighed again, "I'm going to have to teach you how to be a proper friend, aren't I?"

"Gwen has no complaints."

"Gwen's also dating someone who's probably gay."

Mordred turned his head to the side, "I suppose you have a point."

"I know I do," Merlin confirmed, "What do you mean he's not just any boyfriend?"

Mordred groaned, "I saw it in his face when he first saw Gwaine. They had some type of romantic trifle. It was too obvious."

"Has Gwaine said anything?"

"Only that he hadn't spoken to him in a long while."

"Long while, like the entire time Gwen and him have been together?"

"I haven't asked."

"You're going to have to," Merlin replied, "He might be able to help us with this whole Gwen and Arthur thing. Only if he's willing to confirm it though."

"I can't believe that after all this time, I finally find someone I like again and he's Arthur's," Mordred shuddered, "I can't even finish that."

Merlin chuckled, "It'll be alright, mate. We'll figure this out. Not tonight though, you have to come out of that room, you've been in there too long."

"Where are you?"

"Balcony," he answered, "I'll pretend to stay on the phone, so no one questions anything. Remember to ignore me in there."

"Not a problem."

"You really are a terrible friend, Mordred," he laughed.

Mordred rolled his eyes and hung up.

Taking a deep breath and with renewed energy, he stepped out of the room and walked towards Gwaine.

"What was that about?" Gwaine whispered.

"Forgot I had to call my guardian," he shrugged, "Have to check in once in a while."

Merlin stepped into the room then and sat by Morgana on the couch. Mordred noticed Arthur's stiff posture and silence of the room.

Gwaine nodded and said loudly, "Bit more awkward than I'd thought it be."

"Story of my life," Mordred answered.

Merlin snickered and Gwaine laughed and threw his arms around Mordred's shoulder, planting a kiss on his temple, "And _that's_ why I love being around you."

"Oh? And here I thought it was my devastatingly good looks that kept you around," Mordred smirked at him.

"Oh yes," Gwaine grinned, "That too."

"Thought so, my boyfriend says the same thing," he said seriously, "He'd kill me for flirting."

"I can keep a secret," Gwaine said pulling Mordred to him.

Mordred wrapped his other arm around Gwaine and smiled, "Really? Wonder what else you can do?"

Gwaine quirked his brow, "I'd be happy to show you any time."

"Really?" Merlin interrupted, "You guys are doing this now?"

Gwaine turned to look at him, "I'm sorry, who are you?"

Mordred furrowed his brow, "The stupid one, I think."

"Stu-," Merlin stopped, "I'm Merlin and I'm not going to sit here all night watching you two!"

"Is that what's bothering you?" Mordred let go of Gwaine, "That's easy enough then, don't look."

"Don't you think you two are being a bit much?" Merlin frowned.

"With just this bit of flirting?" Mordred scoffed, "I've seen all of you do much worse."

Merlin opened his mouth and closed it. It was true and they all knew it. "I just think it's a bit awkward. Things feel weird enough right now."

"Which is _why_ I'm trying to make my boyfriend feel better by distracting him," Mordred sighed, "Honestly, are you really that dense?"

Merlin stood stunned for a moment and silence fell on the room again.

"Let's just eat," Gwen said and they all moved to the kitchen.

Mordred noticed how Arthur wouldn't even hold Gwen's hand in Gwaine's presence. Definite history there. He really did need to ask Gwaine about it.

Merlin watched how close Gwaine and Mordred sat together. How comfortable Mordred seemed with him and how they spent most of their dinner snickering like two teenagers.

Gwen hugged Mordred bye and whispered, "He seems lovely."

"I know," Mordred smiled and left.

Soon as they were out on the sidewalk, Mordred asked, "I know you don't want me to ask, but that is my best friend's boyfriend. What happened with you two?"

Gwaine bit his lip, "I don't think you'll like my answer," he sighed and turned to Mordred, "It was just sex."

Mordred studied him for a moment before shaking his head, "No it wasn't."

"No it wasn't," Gwaine nodded, "It was supposed to be, but then it was more and then he got with some girl and I couldn't do the whole hiding everything and broke it off and it sucked, but I got over it. Over him."

"How long ago?"

"I dunno," he shrugged, "Sometime last year."

Mordred closed his eyes, "Fuck."

"Is it that bad?" Gwaine asked, concern etching his voice.

"Yes when that girl is my best friend," Mordred said opening his eyes, "I've been telling her this entire time he's using her as a beard and she wouldn't listen."

"Oh," Gwaine cringed, "Right, you said about Gwen, but he's been with her for a while maybe he's bi?"

"He hasn't done anything but kiss her this entire time," Mordred sighed.

"Oh. Definitely not bi then."

"What am I supposed to do? She won't listen and he's just using her."

"I don't know, I can talk to her if you want, but he isn't out. We can't just do that."

"Gwen wouldn't tell anyone," Mordred answered, "Even so, I need to think about it, she wouldn't tell anyone, but I don't know how she'd take it."

"Let me know then," Gwaine nodded, "For now, let's go and have some real fun. That dinner was dreadful."

"Tell me about it."

Mordred called Merlin that night and told him about his confirmed suspicion.

"Isn't that a good thing then?"

"I don't know if it will be enough," Mordred sighed, "At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if she thought I'd ask him to say that."

"That could be a problem," Merlin agreed, "Spying thing still on then?"

"If you're still willing."

"Definitely."

"Ok. I'll see you Wednesday night then?"

"I'll be waiting."

Mordred hung up, an odd feeling of excitement at being able to see Merlin in friendlier terms again. Stupid git really was growing on him.

* * *

The rest of the week flew by and Mordred was getting antsy about his night with Merlin. They met near the library and Merlin had brought his camera and a bookbag.

"Hey," he grinned, "You ready?"

"Yeah," Mordred shrugged, "I guess."

"OK," Merlin nodded and they started making their way to Arthur's, "So like I said every Wednesday night Arthur always says he's busy and has to take care of things and won't hang out with any of us. So this is probably our best shot to see if he's doing anything."

Mordred nodded, "I remember."

They waited outside of Arthur's building, Merlin taking pictures of people going in and out.

"So how have your classes been?" Merlin asked.

"Easy enough for now, yours?"

"Not bad, boring. I'm taking some pre-req classes this year and they're a bit more interesting."

Mordred nodded, "I still haven't entirely decided on my major, yet. My guidance counselor is starting to get annoyed at me. Wrote me down for psychology, but I'm not sure if that's what I want."

"I could see you as a psychologist," Merlin grinned, "You're surprisingly good with people when you want to be."

"I guess," Mordred yawned, "Should've stopped for coffee. I have morning classes."

Merlin opened his bag and took out a coffee thermos, "Sorry, I made it to my taste, so it's a little sweeter than you'd like," he said handing it to Mordred.

Mordred took a sip from it, "It's not so bad," he looked at Merlin, "You know how I take my coffee?"

Merlin shrugged and looked away from him, "I just happened to notice you don't add much sugar is all."

Mordred studied him for a second, "Right," he answered, "And you add loads, but this isn't too sweet."

"I figured I shouldn't add too much if we were sharing it," Merlin answered.

"Thank you," Mordred said taking his eyes off him.

"It's what friends are for," Merlin responded with a small smile, "I wanted to ask, how is it going with Gwaine?"

"Alright," he answered, "He makes me laugh, doesn't like you much though."

Merlin laughed, "I thought it be good for me to say something, maybe after all of this is over you can introduce us on better terms."

"Yeah," Mordred nodded, "I'll tell him everything, he'll understand."

"Never seen you like that, though," Merlin continued, "You looked pretty happy with him."

"It's been pretty good with us," Mordred agreed, "We have fun together."

Merlin gave him a wistful look, "It seemed that way."

Mordred looked at him out of the corner of his eye, "Why did you two break up anyway?"

"Morgana and I?" Merlin asked, "Mostly because of me. Got tired of hiding everything and then I don't know, we kind of just drifted apart, and now I think I'm starting to like someone else. So it's really over, you know?"

"Why'd you guys hide it anyway?"

"Morgana's idea," Merlin sighed, "Something about not feeling like dealing with her dad. Arthur knew about us, though, he was fine with it. I understood hiding it from Uther, but everyone else? Not so much. I just wanted to be out in the open and in the end I felt like she was ashamed of us or something."

"I don't know what that's like," Mordred answered honestly, "I've never hidden a relationship."

Merlin laughed, "Not intentionally anyway, you just forget to tell anyone you're in one."

Mordred smiled, "I don't mean to."

"Hey!" Merlin said enthusiastically, "It's him." Sure enough, Arthur was making his way down the sidewalk. Merlin and Mordred looked at each other and nodded, waiting a minute before following him down.

Arthur made his way through a few streets, finally stopping in the part of town, where everyone knew it as "queertown" mostly because it was the only place where there were multiple gay bars and clubs near each other. Merlin didn't hesitate to follow Arthur into a club, but Mordred took pause near the door.

"I don't know if I'll be able to handle this," he told Merlin.

Merlin took his hand, "If it gets too much for you we'll leave, but I think this will be our best chance for a money shot to show Gwen."

Mordred gripped his hand tightly and took a deep breath, "Ok, just don't disappear on me."

"Deal," smiled Merlin and pulled him inside. They made their way inside, but with all the lights and the crowd, they weren't easily able to spot Arthur.

They went up near the bar that was above the dance floor and that's when Mordred saw him. Not Arthur, but Gwaine sitting with a bunch of guys he didn't recognize.

"There he is!" Merlin announced and pointed at Arthur, who seemed to be making his way towards Gwaine.

"What's going on here?" Mordred half shouted at Merlin over the music.

Merlin watched Arthur arrive at Gwaine's table and shook his head, "I don't know."

Gwaine and Arthur seemed to be getting in an argument and Mordred wasn't sure what he should do. Gwaine was his boyfriend, but how could he explain being here with Merlin?

Gwaine stood up from his table and began walking towards them and Merlin quickly reacted by pushing Mordred out of the way and pulling Mordred's face into his shoulder.

"It's ok," he whispered, "He probably didn't see us."

"Ok," came Mordred's muffled reply. Merlin held him for a few minutes and slowly let him go, taking a minute to study his eyes, before saying, "Arthur followed him, so we should probably go."

Mordred nodded silently and Merlin took his hand again tugged him towards the door. They found both of them near an alley by the club, arguing loudly.

"You can't do this, Arthur!" Gwaine shouted, "I have a boyfriend! And you're with _his_ best friend."

"I'm still in love with you, Gwaine!" Arthur shouted back, "What am I supposed to do?!"

"You love me, but you're seeing someone else?" Gwaine scoffed, "You love me but you have to hide us from everyone?! What a joke! Just leave me alone!"

Arthur took pause and Gwaine snorted, "Thought so," and began walking away, but Arthur took his hand, "I'll tell him. I'll tell dad and everyone, please, Gwaine give me another chance."

"I like Mordred," was Gwaine's response, pulling away from Arthur, but Arthur didn't give up. He took Gwaine, pushed him against the wall and kissed him.

Mordred held his breath, it seemed Gwaine was going to push him away, but then didn't. He didn't push him off. Mordred turned and looked away, but Merlin had the thought to take a picture and waited until he heard Gwaine answer Arthur, "I'm not doing this until you tell everyone."

Gwaine turned to leave the alley and Merlin quickly grabbed Mordred's hand and took off in a sprint down the sidewalk, neither of them stopping until they were back in campus.

Mordred sat down on a bench nearby, covering his face as he tried to catch his breath and Merlin leaned down, resting his hands on his knees, panting. Both of them stayed silent for several moments until Merlin put his hand on Mordred's head, "Mordred?" he questioned.

Mordred shook him off and stood up, "Whatever, see you later," he answered and took off towards his dorms. Mordred wasn't in the mood to talk. He wasn't in the mood for anything. He didn't want to think about any of this. So he crawled into bed and closed his eyes, trying to pretend that he hadn't seen any of that.

* * *

It wasn't any surprise then, when Mordred had stopped answering his phone. At least not to Merlin, but Mordred hadn't just fallen into one of his funks, because Mordred hadn't wanted to give up all the work he'd put into his new exercise routine, so instead of going to the off campus gym he joined so that he didn't have to deal with the students, he cancelled his membership and started going to the student gym.

It was overcrowded and he hated that, but for the most part people just ignored him and so he dealt with it. Now anytime he wasn't practicing his violin or studying he spent it in the gym. He was obsessed with it, taking all his anger and disappointment on a punching bag at the gym was surprisingly therapeutic. He was in better shape than he'd been his entire life.

Of course, Gwen wasn't going to let him get away with it. At least, not for long, so about two months down the road, when Gwen showed up at his door, he wasn't surprised to see her, though he was surprised to see she'd brought her new entourage.

Thankfully, this time he hadn't been caught in his underwear, unfortunately, being caught in his sweaty exercise clothes (the showers at the gym had been too full) before he'd gotten a chance to take a shower and change wasn't what he'd have preferred.

"You're all sweaty," Gwen said as soon as she saw him.

"Gym," was his answer.

She walked into his room and waved everyone in, "Gym?"

"Yes, you know for exercise," Mordred answered rolling his eyes, "Some of us do that you know."

Gwen scrunched her face as the three others filed into Mordred's room, "I knew you've been looking slimmer lately, why didn't you invite me?"

"I started over summer, what's going on? Is there a reason why you're here? Because I've been out in the sunlight and it's not that great."

Gwen frowned, "Nothing's going on, you're not answering your phone and we've been worried."

"Yeah, right. I'm sure the trio here has been lost without me."

"Mordred!"

"Fine! You want to know what's going on? Why don't you ask Arthur? Why doesn't Arthur share with the group why I haven't talked to you in while?" I turned to Arthur, "Well? Why don't you tell them what you've been up to with Gwaine, Arthur? Everyone wants to know!"

Arthur's brows rose up in surprise, "What?"

"Don't fucking deny it!" Mordred yelled, "I saw you both! Outside The Ramrod!"

Arthur's eyes widened, "That was-"

"I saw you kiss him!" shouted Mordred, "You kissed _my_ boyfriend while dating _my_ best friend!"

"I-"

"NO! NO! NO! No excuses anymore, Arthur! Tell the truth! Quit messing with us and tell us the truth!"

Arthur looked lost at me, pained when he looked at Gwen, then he looked at the floor, "I tried so hard to be what my father would've wanted."

"Arthur?" Gwen asked, fear in her voice.

"I'm sorry, Gwen," he whispered, "Mordred is right."

"What?" she asked, "What do you mean?"

"I'm gay," Arthur said, letting out a breath of air, "I'm gay."

Gwen looked shocked, she looked around the room and then ran off without another word.

Mordred looked at Arthur and sighed, "You're so stupid," he told him, "If you'd just been honest, everyone in this room would've kept your secret, instead you hurt an innocent girl who thought she could trust you. You're the worst," and he took off after her.

Mordred didn't see any of them after that, but he did hear a rumor that Arthur had quit the rugby team. It'd taken months for Gwen to stop being depressed and even longer for her to move onto to someone else. Lancelot, who was nice and funny. He even got along well with Mordred and all his quirks.

Mordred didn't hear anything about Merlin though. He was too afraid to call and Merlin stopped trying after a few weeks, but Mordred moved on. There was Percival who lasted a year and George who lasted several years.

Mordred hadn't heard of any of them, even after he'd gotten his doctorate in psychology and opened up a practice. It wasn't until he was brought into the A&E for falling down and fracturing his left wrist that he saw him again. Merlin the attending doctor, his nimble fingers and assessing questions. He'd swear Merlin hadn't recognized him, but then he caught his coat right before he left and Merlin turned to him fully looking at Mordred's face. Mordred hadn't known what had gotten into him, but before he'd realize it, he grabbed Merlin by the neck and kissed him like he'd never kissed anyone else before, so afraid that Merlin would push him away, but he didn't. Merlin kissed him back just as fiercely. Willingly. Lovingly.

And when Merlin pulled slowly away with a huge grin on his face and the words, "Took you long enough," Mordred finally realized that he'd found exactly where he'd wanted to be long ago and hadn't even realized it. At that moment, Mordred decided he'd hang on and never let him go. Because Merlin was everything. Merlin was home.

No matter how much time passed, Mordred swore to himself that he'd never forget that very fact.

 _FIN_


End file.
